Current mood:

cheerful

How strange...
One hour you want to get out of this life... but the next... is different.

Too bad it's private again, eh?


I did not want to be in a relationship.
It was painful when Jirou threatened to leave.. and it was again painful when we did break up. I made a lot of mistakes... The pain returned even more sharply yesterday... and almost tore me up today.

I thought it would hurt if this were to happen again... if I were to be a failure in another relationship. The wounds were too fresh and easily reopened.
Bu then... I had made myself blind to what was happening around me, and never noticed as someone crept up on me... and today he has made his feelings known.

I wonder why Bane... We did become friends incredibly quickly, and he actually seems.. very open, understanding... I merely have to remember that if I sleep over at his house I should wake early.. or be awoken.
He is also quite honest with his feelings and trusted me quite easily. Perhaps I did not suspect him to have feelings of this magnitude because I thought he had them strongly towards that one he'd kissed at the party....

When he confessed though, I almost broke down from the pain. Of course he couldn't have known for Jirou... I knew I was going to hurt him by this answer, but wasn't it better not to have a relationship if it was going to end in a painful way?
He pressed on.. this showed his determination and his feeling's strenght. He won't do anythingI don't want him to do.

He confessed to me... this somehow takes courage. I should know... since I was the one who started it with Jirou.
The end result though.... today...

I feel free.
I am happy.. and somehow in love again.

Life can't be better.